SACRED DREAMS

     January 25th, 1998, my heart broke.  I lost the most important woman in my life!  My grandmother.  The day of her death, I felt I'd lost a part of my life.  I felt like I was suffocating!  I could not catch my breath.  I felt that I was all alone in this world.
     Tears of pain, anger and sorrow flooded my face.  Fear overwhelmed my mind!  I was lost.  I was a twenty nine year old woman trying to cry her back.  I could not believe my grandmommy was no longer a call away.  Her sweet voice would not soothe my frustrating days.  Her sweet voice would not add brightness to my good days.
     I've lost my grandfather, aunts, uncles and friends.  I met the grief of their deaths.  I cried the pain away.  I came to terms that I would never see them again.  I had the strength to attend their funerals.  I've even visited some of their graves.
     My grandmommy was ninety five years old.  She was the most beautiful, understanding, intelligent woman that I've ever known.  She was my foundation in life!  The day of her funeral, I bought a new outfit, got my kids dressed and told my husband I was ready to go.  I found myself staying at home that day.  I was drowning in tears.  I could not find the mental strength I needed to attend her funeral.
     I knew I had to stay strong!  My children needed their mama back.  My husband needed his wife back.  I needed me back.  I could not find myself.  Sleepless nights haunted my soul.   Days felt like they'd never end.  I was exhausted and began to slip into depression. 
     One day, I remembered a important lesson my grandmommy had taught me.  She'd tell me, 'Toni, make sure that Christ is in your life.  Pray every day, he'll guide you through your good and bad times.'  That, I did!
     I slowly but surely began getting back in touch with myself.  My children saw their mommy begin to smile again.  My husband saw his wife again.  I started to feel like myself.  The sorrowful pain was subsiding.
     One night, after saying my prayers, my grandmommy appeared in my dreams.  I was walking around inside of her house.  I found myself looking at all of her family pictures in her bedroom.  There she was!  She was as beautiful as I remembered her to be.  Her smile was still sweet.  Her voice, still soothing.
     That dream, I will cherish for the rest of my life!  That dream helped me face the terms of her death.  That dream let me know my grandmommy was at peace.  That dream is what I consider a sacred dream.