TRAYVON MARTIN

Young black child,
shall you suffer no pain, ignorance stole your life in vain...
Young black child,
you're with God now,
blessed with eternal peace in Heaven's clouds...
Young black child,
you've received your halo and wings,
soar down to your Mother's heart to ease her pain...
Young black child,
Rest In Peace...

WHITNEY HOUSTON...

Thank you for the blessing,
angel in disguise...
Your gifted voice,
soared through heaven's sky...
Your ebony eyes, reflected your inspiring soul,
your smile lit up the entire world...
You will be missed by many near and far.
Angel spread your wings, spakle like a star,
eternal life of peace, your free to be just who you are...

SILENT BLESSING

Silence seduces the night,
shadows captured in the moon's light...
secrets endlessly whispered amongst the wind,
confessions of thy soul,
seeks forgiveness for past sins...
Spirit fly high,
angels set you free,
your life is blessed through all eternity...

RAIN

Swiftly falling from the sky,
graceful as the wings on a butterfly...
Sometimes blending with the wind,
sometimes rolling off my chin...
At times when the sun blesses us with light,
you embrace the rainbow's colors so bright...
Your tune, never twice the same,
tapping the ground or dancing off a windowpayne...
Of all the different types of weather,
Winter, Spring, Summer and fall,
You are my most favorite of all...

STILL...

I can still hear your laughter,
I can still see your smile,
I can still feel your presence when I'm missing you and feeling down...
You opened your heart and home,
to my children and I,
Unconditional love, compassion and support,
you helped us through our hard times...
Mama Mary, words can't express,
the blessing you were in our lives, I must confess...
Our love for you, will always be in our hearts,
You're an angel now, never shall we be apart...

ANGELS

I know they're with you day by night.
Protecting your innocence, guiding your life...
At five months old, I can reminisce,
your chestnut eyes looking up...
The bright, warm, smile that surfaced on your cute face,
your excitement from their embrace...
Through the years, as you grew,
never did they abandon you...
Now your eighteen, a young man,
I know in my heart, they still protect and guide you...
Mommy can't see them but I know you can.
When I say my morning prayers,
I thank God for blessing you with angels,
I believe you can see...
I pray your angels will be with you through eternity...
I pray to God, thanking him everyday,
for blessing me with you, my son, my angel,
who sings to me everday.
My special angel who has touched my heart and soul...
To you, Demi, I've learned so much in your autistic world...

STARRY EYES '85'

Brisk, cold air,
settles the night...
Highlighted moon,
reflects through my ebony eyes
Gypsy soul, ocean tides,
gypsy child's reminiscence,
life as Starry Eyes, '85.'

MOTHER EARTH

Humankind, endless time,
forgive us, Mother Earth...
Precious gifts you've blessed us with,
we've intertwined interventionism,
corrupt politics!
Endangered species of land, water and air...
We vow to correct our mistakes.
Respect the land and nurture it well...
No dumping toxic chemicals in water where sea creatures live...
Stop pollution of the air...
United we stand, together we can change,
drastic mistakes we've made...
Humankind, endless time,
forgive us, Mother Earth...

INCANDESCENT

Free spirit soars beyond,
soul searching, shades of the sun...
Shadows linger in the darkest of night,
Step by step, guided in star light...
Visions anticipate what life can be,
hidden secrets,
confessions of one's needs...
Embrace every breath,
Fulfill your destinies desire,
set ablaze your passions,
as heat compelling fire...

WHISPERS...

An angel's wings, whisking above...
Symbolic peace, a white dove...
Hope feeds the heart,
love nurtures thy soul...
Prayer is faith,
God, bless us all...

GHOSTLY TOES IN MIWOK

     It was a cold, chilly night.  Stars danced and twinkled in the night sky.  Peaches lay cuddled up in bed with her favorite blanket, Ki-Ki.  Ki-Ki was soft as clouds and had a yellow, baby duck on the front.  The yellow, ducky held a tall, white flower in one hand.  In the other hand, three red balloons which placed a huge, smile on the yellow, ducky's face.
     "Uh-chew, Uh-chew," sneezed Peaches while wiping her nose.
     "Bless you, Peaches.  I guess your cold is getting the best of you," said Peaches' mommy.  "Here you go, Peaches.  Cherry flavored cold medicine.  It will help you feel better."  Peaches' mommy bent down and gave Peaches butterfly kisses.  "Sweet dreams," said Peaches' mommy.
      "Mommy, I know what would make me feel better," said Peaches.  "My very own tee-pee!  My own tee-pee, my own land.  I could be like you, mommy.  I could cook and clean," yawned Peaches.  
     As Peaches began to drift into dream land, she rubbed her ten, snow-pea shaped toes together softly.  She whispered quietly to herself.  "Ghostly toes, ghostly toes, our mystery tonight, only you know.  A real Indian Tribe, I'd like to know, like to know.  Uh-chew," sneezed Peaches one last time before she fell fast asleep.
     "Welcome, little one," spoke a deep voice.
     While squeezing Ki-Ki, Peaches slowly opened her chestnut, colored eyes.  Before Peaches' eyes stood a tall man.  He was dressed in a soft, brown, colored skirt.  He had a brown fur over his left shoulder.  His eyes were black as coal!  His hair was black as night.  It was straight and long.
     "Hello.  My name is Peaches.  Where am I?  Who are you?"  Peaches stood up.  She was amazed by the colorful, beauty of the mysterious land she awoke in.
     "You are on Miwok Land, little one.  Central California.  San Francisco Bay," explained the tall man.
     From behind the tall man's shadow, a child appeared!  Full of curiosity, the child's coal-colored eyes
danced and twinkled in the sun light.  Peaches was amazed by the young, boy's tall, tan and white feathered head gear.  Around the young boy's neck, a red-shiny beaded necklace.  It was decorated with white, black and tan colored beads in the shape of a upside down triangle.
     "Hello," shyly giggled the little boy.  "My name is, Miakoda.  This is my father, Malila.  Welcome to Miwok Land."
     "Wow!  It's so beautiful here.  Your names are so different.  What do they mean?"  Peaches was curious.
     "My name, Malila, it means fast salmon swimming up a rippling stream," said the boy's father.  He was walking Peaches and his son towards a rippling stream full of salmon fish.
     "I see them!  There are so many in the stream.  That's neat," said Peaches.
     "Peaches, my name is Miakoda.  That means moon.  I was born during a full moon.  That's what my father and mother tell me," giggled Miakoda.  "Father, may we take Peaches to our home to meet mother?  Oh, please, please, Father."
     "Yes, we may.  We can also show Peaches how Miwok Tribe lives," said Malila.
     Peaches, Miakoda and Mallila began walking through tall, green, grass that was dancing in the wind. 
     "Mmm, I smell something good."  Peaches twitched her tiny, rounded nose.
     "That's mother.  She's cooking salmon that father and I caught earlier.  Smells like she's also cooking sturgeon fish and clams.  Mmm, Lets hurry!  I'm hungry!"  Miakoda began to walk faster.
     Before they knew it, Peaches, Miakoda and Malila were at a cone, shaped house! 
     "Wow!  You have your own tee-pee!  What's it made of?"  Peaches was so excited!
     "It's made of willow and driftwood poles, Peaches.  We stack the willow and driftwood poles to the shape of a cone.  Then we lean more driftwood poles to keep it standing strong.  When that's done, we cover it with grass," explained Miakoda.
     Peaches noticed the wonderful smells coming out of the cone, shaped tee-pee.  She could hardly wait to go inside a real tee-pee!
     "Can we go in," asked Peaches.
     "Yes.  Welcome to our home, Peaches," said Malila.  They all stepped inside.
     "Mother, this is our new friend.  Her name is Peaches."
     A beautiful, bronze colored woman with black, wavy, long hair stood up.  She graciously welcomed her hand to Peaches. 
     "Hello, Peaches.  I am Aponi," greeted Miakoda's mother.
     "Aponi means butterfly, Peaches," said Miakoda.
     "You're so beautiful," complimented Peaches.  "I love your red, orange and black beaded necklace.  Your grass skirt is pretty too.  Your shirt looks so soft.  What is it made of?"
     "Deer hide, Peaches.  It is very soft.  What are you holding in your hand?  It's to colorful for deer hide," said Aponi.
     "This is, Ki-Ki.  He is made of cotton.  See, here is a picture of a yellow duck on the front."  Peaches was proud to show off her favorite blanket, Ki-Ki.
     "I see.  Your Ki-Ki is beautiful," said Aponi.
     "Ki-Ki helps me to feel better when I'm sick.  Uh-chew, uh chew," sneezed Peaches.  But I feel better now."
     "Come, have a seat Peaches with my family.  We are going to have dinner now," said Malila.
     Father Malila, Mother Aponi, their son, Miakoda and Peaches all sat on the ground inside the cone shaped tee-pee.  They enjoyed Aponi's delicious fish and clam meal.  Also, Aponi served a traditional Miwok bread made of acorn.
     "Mother, may we please have my favorite treat""
     "Sure, son.  Here it is."  Aponi handed Miakoda a round shaped wooden bowl. 
     "Peaches, try this!  I know you'll like it," said Miakoda.
     "Mmm, it's so crunchy and tasty!"  Everyone was enjoying Miakoda's favorite treat.  "What is this?  Mmm, it's so good," agreed Peaches while still eating. 
     "They're roasted grasshoppers and yellow jacket grubs," explained Malila.
     "What?  Oh, my!  I'm not feeling to well," said Peaches.  Peaches laid down on Ki-Ki.  She then began to rub her tummy.  She could not believe she had eaten grasshoppers and yellow jacket grubs!
     "Peaches, you will be just fine.  You lay and rest."  Aponi sat beside Peaches and rubbed her head.
     "Sorry, Peaches.  I thought you liked my special treat.  Well, you did until you found out what it was."  Miakoda smiled gently at Peaches.  His apology was sincere.
     "It's o.k., Miakoda.  I like to try new things.  Ki-Ki is helping me feel better.  I feel a little sleepy though."  Peaches let out a big yawn!  She felt her eyes getting tired.  Malila sat down next to Peaches and Aponi.  Miakoda did the same..
     "Peaches, you are a brave girl.  We are so pleased that you came to visit Miwok Land," said Malila.       
     "Yes, I'm glad to.  I had so much fun.  Your Miwok Land is so beautiful.  I've always wished to see a real tee-pee.  Thank you so much for sharing your home, food and land with me."    
     "Peaches, since you arrived in Miwok Land in the morning, I have a surprise for you.  We have decided to give you a special Miwok name.  We have named you, Awendela," explained Aponi while still rubbing Peaches' head. 
     "Thank you, thank you all.  What does Awendela mean?"
     "It means morning.  You are as beautiful to us as our beautiful mornings in Miwok Land.  Rest your eyes, Awendela," whispered Aponi.
     "Good morning, Peaches," said peaches' mommy.  She woke Peaches with butterfly kisses. 
     "Good morning, mommy.  Could you please call me by my Miwok name?  Awendela.  It means morning.  Right, Ki-Ki."  Peaches snuggled up with Ki-Ki and began laughing.  "I feel so much better now, mommy.  I told you a tee-pee would help me feel better."
     "That must of been quite an exciting dream, Peaches.  I mean, Awendela," giggled Peaches mommy.
     "Yes, mommy.  My ghostly toes took Ki-Ki and I on a fun, magical adventure.  We visited Miwok Land.  We had dinner with a Miwok Tribe family.  We got to go inside a real tee-pee!  I ate roasted grasshoppers and yellow jacket grubs!"  Peaches joined in laughing with her mommy.  Peaches, Ki-Ki and her mommy were enjoying their morning, their Awendela.

TWICE THE BEAT (Sample chapter 1--continued)

     "How's everything, Mr. Jones?"  Rashad was trying to politely make conversation with Daddy.
     "Fine, fine.  And yourself?"  Daddy actually liked Rashad.  He just did not like us all hugged up on each other.  A typical daddy.
     "Just great.  Everything is great.  I have a summer job down at the Community Center.  I'll be buying my first car this summer." 
     I saw the pride on Rashad's face.  He had a job and was going to buy his first car.  To me, that showed daddy that Rashad was a responsible guy.  Unlike his twin brother.  Every summer all Raheim did was play football, date girls and tease Rashad about working so hard.  He'd tease him every summer.  Raheim would say, 'Rashad, man, it's going to take you forever to buy a Camaro!  A eighty-nine at that!  That man on the car lot is pulling your leg.  He's not going to hold that car for you.
     "That's great, son.  I bet your folks are real proud of you," said daddy.
     "Yes, sir.  I've been saving up for this car for quite some time.  I should have it in about three weeks."
     "Now you're going to get insurance, right?"  Daddy was checking all corners of this car situation. 
     "Yes, sir.  My father agreed to pay for half of my insurance.  I'm buying the car in full amount.  I will be keeping the Community Center job through next year.  Then I will be qualified to work as a counselor at the following day camps they provide," explained Rashad.
     "That's great!  I see my little, girl picked herself a winner.  You know, Inesia will be going to the DMV to take her driver's test the Monday following her sixteenth birthday."  
     "Yeah, I know.  I'll do fine, daddy.  You'll see."      
      I felt my palms begin to sweat with the word of the DMV.  I didn't want anyone to know that I was terrified of failing the test!  I knew people who had taken the test three times before passing.  I was an 'A' student and on the honor roll at Keifer High School.  The thought of driving with a total stranger rattled my nerves.  A stranger who held your whole summer of being behind the wheel in the palm of their hands!  It made me extremely nervous! 
     "Yes, my little girl.  She's growing up.  I'm so proud of her.  I know you'll do fine on the driving test, sweetie.  Once you pass, you'll be driving daddy's Mercedes," said daddy.
     My daddy had two Mercedes.  One for business.  It was gray with tinted windows.  A 1998.  The other Mercedes, he'd been saving for me.  A 1996, black on black, leather interior, convertible, Mercedes Benz.  I'd hate myself if I didn't pass the test!  Ciara would probably hate me to.  Just kidding.  We'd both be disappointed.  We couldn't wait for the day that we could cruise the Mercedes Benz without daddy in the car.  My mother drove a 1998, Saturn.  She wasn't into the expensive, flashy type look.
     "I'm sure you'll do fine, babe."  Rashad's palm felt clammy, like mine.  He squeezed my hand in a passionate way.  He stroked my fingers gently.  I guess daddy had seen enough.
     "Well, I'm off to the office.  Rashad, if you ever want to make some extra money," offered daddy.
     "Working for a District Attorney would take up most of my time," laughed Rashad.  "I wouldn't be able to see my beautiful girl as much."  I felt a beaming smile appear on my face. 
     "O.K., son," chuckled daddy.  "Inesia, daddy will see you later."  Daddy stood up and awaited my hug good bye.  I felt Rashad's eyes burning a hole in my red, silk, short-sleeve blouse.  I gave daddy a hug and he walked out the front door. 
     "Come here, my Nubian Princess."  Rashad's slender body slumped into relaxation.  The pressure of being in the same room with the District Attorney, my daddy, had vanished.
     "Rashad," I whispered.  "I love you." 
     With those inviting words, Rashad stroked my back with his masculine hands.  I swam in his emerald eyes.  I felt his heated breath on my neck.  A soft kiss here.  A soft kiss there.  My neck had goosebumps!  I raised my head to his.  We indulged in an everlasting kiss!  Well, until my mother entered the house with two bags of groceries. 
     "Hello, Inesia.  I could use some help."  I know my mother had seen Rashad and I in our heated moment.  Rashad leaped off the sofa immediately!  Embarrassment was written all over both our faces! 
     "Let me get those, Mrs. Jones."  Rashad relieved mother of the grocery bags.  He stepped into the kitchen to put the bags down.
     "Thank you, Rashad.  You're always such a gentleman.  You can place them on the counter next to the microwave."  My mother was enjoying the humorous moment of catching Rashad and I kissing.  She knew she was making me squirm!  "So the summer heat isn't the only thing hot around hear," giggled mother.  
     "Mother, is Aunt Sicily coming by this morning?  She said she had a dress for me."  
     "Yes, Inesia.  She should be here any minute.  I'm going down to your father's office.  I see he's rushed off again and forgot his briefcase," said mother.  Daddy was the best DA ever!  I knew he was thrown off by Rashad and myself.  I guess my mom was right about the heat!  "Rashad, I'll see you later.  Inesia, if you leave before I get back,"
     "I know, don't forget to lock the door," I giggled.
     My mother was beautiful.  Everyone tells me I'm a clone of her.  We've even been asked if we were sisters before.  Mother took really good care of herself, obviously.  She worked out everyday.  She jogged, took aerobics classes and worked out on her health rider.  She gave me a kiss and scurried out the front door. 
     "Inesia, I need to ask you something."  The tone in Rashad's voice sounded serious.  I walked over and entered his arms in the dining area.
     "What is it, babe?"
     "I noticed Raheim made your block a must on his jogging route.  I saw him this morning.  If I'm not mistaking, I think I saw him flexing his muscles in front of your bedroom window," explained Rashad. 
     I felt a lump in my throat!  What was Rashad assuming?  Why did I feel like I'd been caught doing something wrong?  It was only Raheim.  Rashad's brother.
     Oh, Rashad.  Umm, you know Raheim.  He's always clowning a-a-around," I stuttered.  What was wrong with me?  Inesia Jones does not have a stuttering problem!  My daddy told me that when I was much younger, I'd stutter when I'd done something I knew I wasn't suppose to be doing.
     "Yes, that's the problem.  I know him!  He's my brother.  He flirts with every girl he sees."  I know that Rashad noticed my stutter of words!  I wondered if daddy had ever told Rashad about me stuttering when I was much younger.  I gazed into Rashad's green eyes.  They looked slightly concerned.
     "Rashad, what are you trying to say?"  
     "I don't know.  Should I be saying something?"  Rashad's tone now sounded sharply, agitated! 
     Could it be true?  Ciara told me there was a rumor that Rashad was jealous of Raheim.  I took it as just that, a rumor.  Why would my gorgeous, tall, dark and handsome boyfriend be jealous of Raheim?  They were identical twins.  Rashad, of course, had a lot of class.  Rashad dressed better, carried himself better and he was a one-woman man.  My man!  Raheim was never able to keep a one on one relationship with any girl.  His excuse, 'He's waiting for Ms. Right.'
"No, no, babe.  You have absolutely n-n-nothing to worry about.  I love you and only you."  I caught myself stuttering again!  But why?  I was with the man I loved.

TWICE THE BEAT (Sample Sneak Peek of Chapter 1)

     It was a golden, summer morning.  I opened my french shutters to view the rising, sun.  I knew today would be the beginning of a once in a lifetime summer!  What more could a girl ask for?  I lived in the golden state, California.  I would be having my sweet sixteen birthday, June nineteenth.  My parents were going away two days after my birthday for a two week business trip.  With the exception of my favorite Aunt Sicily.  She would be stopping by daily.  She's really modern.  I could share my deepest secrets, my latest crush with her.  That's the best part, my latest crush.  I was dating the most popular boy in my high school, Rashad Cambell.
     Rashad is gorgeous!  His sea, green eyes could melt your heart.  His thick, wavy, jet-black hair was cut short and perfectly defined his handsome face.  His skin resembled Hershey's masterpiece!  The ever so favorite chocolate bar.  Rashad's lips were fully shaped.  Kissing his lips, his soft, full lips, was heaven on earth!  I was the envy of most cheerleaders at Keifer High.  Except for my best friend in the whole world, Ciara Reinez. 
     I was lucky that my best friend and my boyfriend got along so well.  In most cases, best friends and boyfriends don't click, if you know what I mean.  Ciara was beautiful.  Most girls immediately felt intimidated by her natural beauty.  Her cinnamon, colored skin glowed.  Not one blemish!  Her perfectly arched eyebrows enhanced her deep, brown eyes.  Eyelashes for days.  They were dark, long and naturally curled.  Ciara's long, thick, wavy hair set off colors of chestnut brown, naturally highlighted with tints of red and a few streaks of blonde.  Standing at five foot, six inches, being sixteen as well, she was definately model material.
     Myself, Ciara always complemented my features.  I stood about five foot, three inches.  I had the shape of an hour glass.  Obviously, inherited from my mother.  Rashad always compared me to a black panther.  Sleek, beautiful and black.  My eyes are so dark that it appears as if I don't have any pupils.  He says he likes to swim in my mysterious, deep, brown eyes.  My hair, thick and full.  I always have my hair cut to shoulder length.  Ciara and Rashad agreed my short, cut shows off my beautiful, round face.
     "Good morning, gorgeous.  You like what you see?"
     With the view from my bedroom window, their stood Raheim.  My boyfriend, Rashad's identical twin brother.  The major difference between them both is their personalities and tastes in clothing.  Rashad wore designer jeans and dress slacks depending on the occasion.  He also rocked high, fashion shirts and silk shirts when dressing up.  Occasionally, Rashad would wear a jock, short-sleeved shirt if we were attending a picnic or football game.  When Rashad and I would attend parties or dine at a fancy restaurant, he wore slacks and a long, sleeve silk shirt with a tie.
     "Hello, Raheim."  I greeted him sarcastically.  Raheim was out for his morning jog.  He was into the whole physical-fitness thing.  Raheim was the most popular jock at our high school.  He was captain of our football team.  
     "What do you think of my dress attire?"  Raheim waited for my response with a smirk on his face. 
     I stared at his faded, blue, sweat outfit.  It had a few tears in places it should not.  Like I cared what briefs he was wearing that day.  He still spun around, arrogantly.  I thought to myself, why does he buy complete sweatsuits?  He always cuts off the arms and the sweat pants to show off his muscular build.  Not that I care.  But you can't help seeing his bulging muscles hanging out of his clothing. 
     "Cute.  Real cute," I mumbled under my breath.  "Is Rashad up?  I sure would like to wake up and see his handsome face," I said, as if reminding Raheim that his brother, Rashad is my boyfriend.  

     "Come on, Inesia.  You know I'm the better looking twin.  Rashad looks like he's starving!  Me, on the other hand."  Raheim flexed several muscles in his body.  He gave me a freeze-frame pose.  "Now, you can't say Rashad can beat this, can you?"




     I felt my face heat up!  For some strange reason, I felt a bit embarrassed!  But why?  Rashad was tall and slender like a model.  Rashad was captain of the basketball team.  He was expected to be tall and slender.  He could look like a gargantuan if he pumped hundreds of weights as well.
     "Tell Rashad that I love him."  I felt the strange, embarrassment converse into a sweet, daydream abouut Rashad.  "Let him know I dreamed of him last night.  We were at the beach  I melted in his arms."  I felt a instant smile plaster on my face.  I saw an agitated look appear on Raheim's face.  I guess it was pure jealousy!  Raheim did not have a steady girlfriend.  He dated several different girls.  I saw him date three different girls in one week!  That's why Ciara never dated him.  She was searching for her Mr. Right.  She wanted a one woman man.  Just like me.   
     "Inesia, honey.  Ciara's on the phone.  Are you up?"  I could not believe I did not hear the phone in my room ring.  I was only a few feet away from it.  I thought it must of been my daydream about Rashad.
     "I got it, mom.  You can hang up now," I yelled from my room.
     "What were you doing that was so important that you couldn't answer the phone?"  Ciara had a tell me, tell me in her voice.  I always answered the phone before anyone else could.  I was an only child.  I made it to the phone a lot quicker than either of my parents. 
     "I was probably daydreaming about Rashad," I answered. 
     "I thought maybe you were to interested in watching Raheim flex his muscles," giggled Ciara.  Once again, I felt heated!
     "I don't think so," I snapped!  Ciara lived directly across the street from me.  We could see each others bedroom windows. 
     "From what I saw, he was flexing and you were watching," laughed Ciara.
     "Ciara, get real.  I was just asking him where Rashad was."  I began twirling the phone cord around my index finger.
     "Inesia, it's o.k., girlfriend.  Looking never hurt anyone.  I'd think something was wrong if you did not check out that gorgeous hunk."
     "Ciara, he's my boyfriend's twin brother.  He can also be a pain when he wants to."
     "Yeah.  But he sure flirts with you a lot."
     "Raheim flirts with everyone.  Including you," I laughed.
     "If he didn't date four to five girls a week, I'd seriously consider making him mine.  He's gorgeous!  If I don't find Mr. Right soon, I might just be added to his dating list."  Ciara and I laughed at the notion of her antics.  Summer love was definitely in the air!
     "Hi, babe."  Rashad stood before me on my front porch.  He embraced me gently.  The caressing hug tightened with every squeeze.  "You look beautiful, as usual."  Rashad's deep voice sent chills up and down my spine!
     "I missed you.  Come on in."  Joined at the hips, we both entered my house.  Daddy was sitting in the lounge chair next to the sofa.  I saw him eyeballing our closeness from the side of his newspaper.  Daddy cleared his throat!  That meant Rashad was to close to me, daddy's little girl.
    

SACRED DREAMS

     January 25th, 1998, my heart broke.  I lost the most important woman in my life!  My grandmother.  The day of her death, I felt I'd lost a part of my life.  I felt like I was suffocating!  I could not catch my breath.  I felt that I was all alone in this world.
     Tears of pain, anger and sorrow flooded my face.  Fear overwhelmed my mind!  I was lost.  I was a twenty nine year old woman trying to cry her back.  I could not believe my grandmommy was no longer a call away.  Her sweet voice would not soothe my frustrating days.  Her sweet voice would not add brightness to my good days.
     I've lost my grandfather, aunts, uncles and friends.  I met the grief of their deaths.  I cried the pain away.  I came to terms that I would never see them again.  I had the strength to attend their funerals.  I've even visited some of their graves.
     My grandmommy was ninety five years old.  She was the most beautiful, understanding, intelligent woman that I've ever known.  She was my foundation in life!  The day of her funeral, I bought a new outfit, got my kids dressed and told my husband I was ready to go.  I found myself staying at home that day.  I was drowning in tears.  I could not find the mental strength I needed to attend her funeral.
     I knew I had to stay strong!  My children needed their mama back.  My husband needed his wife back.  I needed me back.  I could not find myself.  Sleepless nights haunted my soul.   Days felt like they'd never end.  I was exhausted and began to slip into depression. 
     One day, I remembered a important lesson my grandmommy had taught me.  She'd tell me, 'Toni, make sure that Christ is in your life.  Pray every day, he'll guide you through your good and bad times.'  That, I did!
     I slowly but surely began getting back in touch with myself.  My children saw their mommy begin to smile again.  My husband saw his wife again.  I started to feel like myself.  The sorrowful pain was subsiding.
     One night, after saying my prayers, my grandmommy appeared in my dreams.  I was walking around inside of her house.  I found myself looking at all of her family pictures in her bedroom.  There she was!  She was as beautiful as I remembered her to be.  Her smile was still sweet.  Her voice, still soothing.
     That dream, I will cherish for the rest of my life!  That dream helped me face the terms of her death.  That dream let me know my grandmommy was at peace.  That dream is what I consider a sacred dream.

IMAGINE...

Our friendship is strong,
past the beyond...
Our memories are real.
To imagine, is to feel...
Though times we are apart,
you, my friends,
always will be in my heart...